Change Of Address?? Is It Too Soon To Move In?

Dear Finding Hope

I have been dating 'Ben' for about five months. Things are going great! Really! We are both divorced and what you would call a SIM. (Single In Mid-Life). Ben never had any children. I have one son who is in college. So here's the thing. My lease runs out at the end of this month. Ben has asked me if I would like to move in with him. I'm super nervous, but I think I really want to. We both have jobs so I don't feel like I would be taking advantage of him. Plus, if we pool our money, we will have extra to do some things and go places we have been talking about. I know we need some sort of agreement, but it just feels right. I'm curious as to what you think. 

Sincerely
Ready To Pack!!


Dear Ready To Pack!

First, let me say that I'm very happy you have found someone you enjoy spending time with. You didn't give me a whole lot of information, but in this instance, that might be just as well because I'm going a little old school/fashion on you. At this point, I'm going to suggest that you do not move in together. Here's why. 

First of all, five months really isn't enough time to try living under the same roof. I know we have all heard stories of people who met, fell in love instantly and married within weeks. While it CAN happen, it is rare, and the reality is, it is takes time, commitment and a little more time before deciding to move in. I understand it is tempting, both financially, and hey, let's face it, time is at a premium now, but the biggest problem I have is that you would be moving in with him. Meaning, it is his turf and he really has no investment and nothing to lose. The burden is completely on you. While he may be willing to help you actually move your stuff, you will have to be the one to decide what to take and what you don't. Where will you put the stuff you can't take? Is there suitable space for your son when he visits, and would he feel comfortable? And here's the kicker, what happens if it doesn't work out? 

None of us go into a relationship expecting it to fail, especially when it is so much fun at first. Honestly though, we still have to make wise choices and be prepared. If you give up your place and move in with Ben, then something happens to the relationship, it will again fall on YOU to remedy your situation. This means a pretty big financial burden in finding a new place, deposit, moving expenses, and this time he might not be so helpful. 

I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear, and for that I'm sorry. I don't know you or Ben, and you could do this and have the time of your life. My point is, I would like to think you could still have a pretty great go of it, while putting more time into the relationship. There are so many things to consider when moving in with someone that go much deeper than which side of the bed to sleep on and who does the laundry. Weaving space, belongings and lifestyles is tricky when a couple has been together for years. I believe it is undue pressure this soon. 

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best. Please check back in with me and let me know how it goes! And always, always, always...

Hope With Abandon

Hope Out

(If you have a relationship question or life situation to discuss, please send me an anonymous email. I would be happy to help! Email me at findhope@hopeboulevard.com.